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The Most Prolific Rapper? | |
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‘Kool’ Keith Thornton (aka Dr. Dooom, Rhythm X, Big Willie, Black Elvis, and
Poppa Large, etc.) just might be the most prolific rapper ever. Questionable
is concept that he’ll ever repeat the warped brilliance displayed on his
1996 effort as Dr. Octagon. You *can look forward to him putting stuff out
with such regularity, that every time you pop into a record shop, it’s there
on the end-cap: KOOL KEITH, formerly of the Ultramagnetic MC’s, admitted
porno-phile, former patient of Bellevue (a hospital in New York for people
with very active imaginations. Keith Thornton probably ran the place.). No
sex concept-cd this *time around: “Sex style. Niggas want it free. Their
dogs drink my piss". It has nothing to do (probably) with the budgets and
expectations that face ‘Keef whenever he drops a solo release. It’s just
that his Cenobites project, which was on Fondle ‘Em Records (and came out
about five weeks prior to Matthew) was leagues better than his Black
Elvis/Lost in Space record.
Keith still finds the posterior area on the human frame, sphincters, and
rectums utterly fascinating: “Lick the back of my ass quick" He also still
likes to make sure the choruses are singable. Even if they don’t have the
expected ‘baby, oooooh my darling’ platitudes: “You never lived in the
projects. You ain’t no drug dealer." Keith is (probably correctly) convinced
that about half of the rappers on this planet are “tryin’ to copy my sh**".
He holds nothing back…“Look at your favorite rap star—corny as a
motherfu**er." He’s also very, very skeptical of the press: “Fu** the
critics. Everything I make is a hit." Despite his vitriol for the record
business as a whole, he doesn’t come off as the macho hard-case one would
expect of an ex-mental patient. In fact, Keith is very quick to shoot the
fakers down, and put the music world in its place. “The average MC is
bullsh**" He is clearly a Rebel Without a Pause, dropping true science, and
enlightening anyone interested of jumping into the shark-infested waters of
the music world. He’s very blunt when it comes to ‘A&R’s’. On the Recoupment
skit. He impersonates one of them, dining with a hopeful band (who
undoubtedly picked up the tab): “We rented a lot of anorexic girls to stand
and grab you guys and make you look macho...I’m afraid we just can’t cut a
check right now. You haven’t recouped. My suggestion is: You guys keep your
fu**ing jobs at 7-11."
He also dissects the plight of a star confronted by the overzealous on
Back-Stage Passes:
“See a girl after the show. I’m not to be idolized. Overwhelmed by
*new-obsessed-fan*.
‘No, I don’t wanna answer your questions. Are you some kinda journalist?’
Follow me around—come on in the bathroom. Now you wanna see how Keith acts
at home. Now you wanna see the way I p-i-s-s. ‘Let’s party, how ‘bout it?’
‘I don’t wanna party; drink Bacardi. What you think I look like? The purple
dragon, Barney? I’m totally attracted to you. But you turn me off as a fan.’
There’s no time to talk about how I got started in rap. I’m going straight
home. What you want from me? You took my picture. You got my autograph. You
are immature." Or “Do that stupid stuff for Weird Al Yankovich.
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First of
all, you’re living through my cd. Second, you don’t know me. Base your life
on fan-magazines.
I go shopping every day. When I’m in the small, boring
City you don’t see me. If I told ya I had 18 hands, you’re so tuned and
tweaked out, you’re ass would believe me."
He very clearly sees rock and rap as the image-conscious money game it has
become: “Is that the way your stylist makes you dress? The absurdities of
modern life are especially absurd when you hear Keith rhyming them: “Me
standing on top of your tour-bus butt-naked with a hockey mask." Or “Slicin’
your cashmere up with a sharp Seven-Up glass."
Or: “With an Elvis wig, slap the piss outta one of you un-talented rap
motherfu*ahs."
A breath of fresh air in Thornton’s music, even though there is still a
verrry dated amount of backward homophobia involved in his music, is the
lack of ‘I gotta get mine regardless’ nihilism that is scaring off droves of
potential rap listeners. Instead of bragging about killing people (which is
White America’s nightmare, and its backing-away point), and smackin’ ho’s,
Kool Keith lays out info, like: “I baby-sit three kids." Is one of them
called Matthew? Keith is too busy being frighteningly productive to jack
cars: “Police asked me what happened. I don’t know. I’m steady rappin’.
Check my finger-prints. My hand never touched that gun." Also: Investigators
riding up my elevator for questioning. ‘I’m just a plain MC. Why do u all
wanna see me. I have no clue about what that person went through." And when
it goes beyond simple questioning: “Check my house; just a chia-pet." Later:
“The D.A said ‘Keith, you’re not guilty."
He claimed on the Dr. Octagon that A&R men everywhere will try and steal his
recipe for creative madness. He was right. But they all want the Genuine
Article. If they can get it: “I got respect. I just turned down a
major-label project." Keith is incredibly creative, even for todays rap
music, especially given it’s ‘no future’ mindset. Rather than sing about how
many ho’s he gets, he’d rather cop a Jamaican patois: “Who da fu** ya ‘tink
you are, mon?" You’ll notice that all of his quotes have liberal doses of
profanity in them, but that’s par for the course with Kool Keith. He’s no
Will Smith. And I’m glad.
By Jason Thornberry, CanEHdian.com
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